A 3-Month Strategy to Dating Apps

Being someone who is good at managing different accounts, I always found managing the different personalities on dating apps to be a fun exercise. But the fun wears off really quick after you’ve done the repeated introductions and stop start conversations with people.

Some like to say that dating is a numbers game. I don’t necessarily think that’s true, as though if you meet some quota you’re guaranteed to find your ideal match. You might find people you connect with on different levels and that’s fun, but let’s acknowledge that if you truly know yourself and need someone that is extremely specific to you, it often requires some luck and timing. So if you haven’t found the right person yet, please don’t consider it some personal failing.

I’ve usually found myself being exhausted after a month or two of being on the apps, because if you’re going to be on them you might as well take the time to try and meet people. So here are my tips for meeting people on the apps, if you are looking for an actual relationship or partnership.

Choose a specific time of day for swiping

I would do it at the same time everyday so you’re not interrupting your entire life keeping up with the app. And make sure it’s at a time where you could entertain an impromptu mini text chat if the other person sees the notification of your match and decides to reach out. Yes, you’re dedicating time to this exercise, but it’s not your whole life. This is going to be an ongoing theme, finding a way to try to meet people but not making it your whole personality.

In the first weeks, limit your swipe rights or likes to up to 5 people a day

This helps put a limit on the amount of time you’re spending on the apps and also keeps the messaging to a manageable number of people. You may not hear from everyone. You can decide if this number starts to be too much or too little for you. I do believe that the more people you’re juggling, the less likely you are to pick up on the little communication nuances of each individual person. Best to keep your senses sharp by limiting the interactions you’re having at once.

Have two weeks for finding ‘leads’, followed by two weeks of meeting up with people

I always preferred to keep the lead generating weeks separate from the dating weeks. These are different skills. By this time, you should maybe have exchanged numbers or contact info with the people who seem to be contenders. You may not even have to open the app during these weeks.

Avoid comparing people that you meet

Remember, when you see multiple people it might be tempting to compare them and this can be a bit dangerous. If you’re trying to meet someone who is a genuine match, they can’t be graded on a curve or in comparison to peers. They are either it or they’re not.

To be honest, if you match with several people beyond 3 or more dates and aren’t sure, maybe you don’t really know yourself that well and that’s a whole different thing for a different blog post. What I’m saying is that companionship is easy to find, a true match is much rarer. But again, this depends on what you’re looking for in a romantic relationship.

Allow your current relationships to play out

After you meet in person you should have some idea whether there is some forward momentum on these potential relationships. You get to decide whether they are moving at the pace that you want them to. I would not continue to swipe on people until these situations have fizzled out. Know why they ended, if there wasn’t chemistry, if they ghosted, whatever it is, get the clarity you need to know that this is not something you want to pursue before treading into new waters again. I mostly think this is helpful from the standpoint of not forgetting and accidentally getting roped into a situationship with someone you only feel lukewarm about.

If nothing eventuates, start the 2-week swiping cycle again

With the timeline I described above, I would do this no more than two more cycles at a time. This is because you will feel like you’ve seen all the current people, and you will also start to experience burnout. You may even start to feel cynical about the whole process and we don’t want that for you. I would wait at least another 3-6 months before trying again after I’ve cycled through a season.

If you do meet someone and have some form of relationship but it ends

I would also recommend taking at minimum a 3–6-month break from the dating apps if you are experiencing anything akin to a breakup. It doesn’t matter if it was a situationship, friends with benefits, whatever. If it feels like a loss to you, it may as well be a breakup.

I have blog posts that deal with the first days of a breakup and the first month of a breakup. These are vulnerable times and the last thing you will want is to be prey to unsavory characters on the dating apps.

Part of the reason why I believe three months is a good amount of time to engage on the dating apps, rather than having a continuing schedule, is that it wears you down. You start to second-guess yourself and maybe someone’s comment (that wouldn’t otherwise bother you) might cause you emotional turmoil simply because the frustration of entertaining people is exhausting. If meeting someone is important to you, then, venture onto the apps and see if it might work for you.